its all bout marriage these past few days.. on the radio, blogs, and even my friends were talking bout it over the weekend... but sadly, the comments and convos were negative..
"why bother getting married? im satisfied with how my life is!" or "why get married when 80% of marriages are ending with divorce?" or "why get married and waste all my life savings (this from a guy's prespective)?" or the worst debate ever "why do i wanna limit myself to one person for the rest of my life!?"
Now seriously, why does ANYONE wanna be alone?
i cant wait to start forever with my better half and i cant understand how some people really think they're better off alone.. its not that they dread marriage, they're just convinced that they dont need it.. maybe some sort of defence mechanism i donno, but they have become 100% totally convinced that they r in no need to be in a marriage.. and thats so sad..
marriage doesnt have to end with divorce, even if u r hearing/witnessing cases that do end in say 3 4 years and in an ugly divorce, that doesnt mean u will have the same storyline! marriage needs work, just as any relationship.. and call me a fool, but i believe when love exists, all problems r solve-able.. marriages dont have to be ultra expensive either! personally, im one of those ppl who dont believe in weddings.. i like simple receptions, just a small sweet event to celebrate the unity of love and thats it, end of story! all the excess money that goes into making a 'magical' wedding for everyone to talk bout (good or bad ppl will talk and critisize) can go into making a fantastic honeymoon for us!
in retrospect.. when i was 16 (first year uni) i was sure i wanned to stay single forever! i dint find the need to love or be loved so important, i had no trust in mankind and in the existance of good men and i cudnt imagine myself in a marriage and/or having kids etc etc.. but when u fall in real love, u find out that thats exactly what u wanna do..
19 comments:
your last statement sums it up all! when u fall in love u would automatically want to spend the rest of ur life with this person..
What makes it worse..that no way,and i mean no way a fresh graduate can make himself ready for any kind of marriages . it would take him years and years to establish himself!!
Allah y3eenoo!
I think a good rule of thumb is, don't get married until at least age 25. Or 30. People don't know who they are until that age, or later. Plus they lack financial stability. But the idea of limiting oneself to one person is perfectly acceptable once you reach a certain age, because by then you realize that there's nothing better than your spouse-to-be. That's why you chose them.
We had a reception at my wife-to-be's house (wine and snacks) and then got married the garden, lit by hundreds of candles. It was beautiful, and very inexpensive. It was my wife's third wedding (well, fourth - she had had two ceremonies on opposite ends of the planet for one ex's family) and she says this way was her favorite.
mais: inti illi fahemteeni mayouseh, bless!
maher: mmmm, thats what i meant with no need for an expensive wedding and an obscene amount for dowry, if one is in love, she (and her parents) wont be asking for a hidious amount of money, and the couple will learn to make ends meet together.. but thats of course ideal situations, present prolly only in my mind :D
bas seriously, ana personally i dont care, i dont care if my man doesnt make much money or if i make more than him, all we want is to be with him, but sadly not many ppl think this way..
allah bi3een :)
marv: IMHO, there is no rule of thumb.. what applies to one doesnt apply to another, and altho i do believe that maturity levels peak in men and women at 25-30 (respectively), i still believe in fate and destiny and whats meant to happen will happen, at 20 or 80.
and awwww!!! THATS exactly what i want! a little ceremony on the beach or the garden of his parents house, just us, cake, flowers, and close relatives and friends.. after all, what more does one want!
bless u and urs Marv.
typo in my reply to maher: all we want is to be together**
You answered a big part of the question in the last paragraph! Love is the key!
When love is not involved, lots of ppl portray marriage simply as a deal, pure business! And simply said, from a business perspective, all what marriage provides can be achieved without the marriage!(putting religion aside as well of course.)
Some people get married for the fact that they "have" to get married maybe because they dont want to be alone or maybe they fear what would people say about them.. others dont even think about it no matter what as if it would tie them up and they would be locked up in a tight room with no air to breathe..
Marriage is love, and if some marriages do fail, others do live forever and ever.. when one is in love, they dont feel obligated to be with him/her..he/she becomes PART of your life..PART of you..
Nobody wants to be lonely..wait until they get in love and then ask them again :)
Barja3lek ba3dain ...
This was a great post. I agree with you.
adoosh: i agree. and i feel really sorry for those 'business' ppl.. one doesnt HAVE to get married for the sake of marriage!
mrs. alramahi: wallahi i donno why ppl force themselves into a marriage which will only cause damage if it wasnt built on love and a solid foundation... personally id rather be alone than unhappy in an unfulfilling relationship..
bless u and urs :)
qwaider: and i'll b waiting for ur input Sam :)
batoul: thanks bannout :D w saba7o :)
Being alone, is way better than getting stuck with the wrong person for life. That's enough to scare anyone from the whole deal. Once there are kids, the relationship is going to last a lifetime no matter what happens
Now that doesn't mean people want to be alone.
Many guys think they don't need marriage as long as they can get whatever they need outside it with no commitment. And frankly, I can't blame them. Men are paying such a great price to get in and even a larger price to get out.
Love is important for the relationship, but not the base. There are many things that need to be there for things to work out.
The new generations are failing at this few thousand years old ritual with roles getting displaced due to modernism, high expectations and many other reasons.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful wife, you're very sincere getting into it .. and that's a very important pillar of marriage .. really really .. really wanting it :)
Q: interesting as i think the same way, as i said to mrs al ramahi, id rather be alone than in a sad negative and emotionally draining relationship.. HOWEVER! i disagree with the notion that ppl stay together when unhappy just coz kids were brought into it.. i think it takes courage to move away, but in the end its a healthier environment for the kids, rather than growing up avoiding marriage coz of the constant negativity they witnessed as children/adolescants, they wud grow up strong, independant and still having hope in better relationships than the one that existed (rather was lacking) with their parents..
i loved this part which i find absolutely true: "The new generations are failing at this few thousand years old ritual with roles getting displaced due to modernism, high expectations and many other reasons."
and thanks sam, im only as sincere as my man getting into it.. when ur dealing with the most wonderful soul on earth, u cant BUT be as sweet and loving as they r, its only fair :)
I used to think that I will stay single forever. Like you, the whole marriage thingy did not attract me at all. It did not even seem reasonable to me; spending the rest of my life with one person! I used to count all the scenarios in my head starting with what if he is not the one I wanted, what if we do not get along, what if we end up bored and live together while having no actual life? I basically feared it more than anything else. Untilll ... I met the right person :)
Believe me, I know many girls might read my comment and go like: Oh no some girls really want to stay single forever. But eventually when they find true love they will not be able to resist it :)
Simply because it is the best feeling in the world. Love cannot be described, but it will make you feel precious. It will make you feel lucky. And in my case, it turned my life upside down. I had commitment fears but now I cannot wait. The key to happiness is finding someone who will accept you the way you are because he/she does not see a negative side to begin with, someone who will share everything with you, and someone who will value the things you find important (Such as independence and freedom since they are 2 things girls think they lose as soon as they get married). In short, someone who truly loves you :)
Loved your post, and being greatly in love, I can only pray for for single people to get a chance to experience it.
halool: i loved ur reply! and im so happy u found the right person for u, coz ur such a wonderful soul and i wish u all the best :hug:
like u, i had commitment issues, but when u meet sum1 who really is the 'one' these issues just disappear..
i too wish ppl wud know real love for a change.. maybe the world will become a better place!
Post a Comment